By now we should be used to this right? By now when we read things like "Royals fall apart late in 6-5 loss to Rangers" we should be able to shrug it off and continue with our lives.
But we can't. No matter how hard we try as fans, these kinds of losses are still painful. Good teams don't lose games like these. Teams that play in mid-October don't blow four-run leads when their opponents only have four outs left. Good teams win the games they should. Teams like the Royals, well, don't. That's why this team is in last place. Again. That's why this team's season is over before the all-star break. Again. That's why this team is a constant reminder that sports can really suck sometimes. Again.
Before I get out of hand, let me say, there are lots of things worse than being a Royals fan. Lots. It is just a game, but sometimes, after nights like this, emotions get the best of you. When I saw Trey Hillman leap over the rail, I was secretly hoping that he would go vintage George Brett on us, maybe even punch somebody. Anything that would serve as a temporary release from the constant hell that we have been in these past decades.
Tonight was a classic Royals loss. Starter pitches a good game. Offense has a good night. Bullpen and head-scratching moves cost them the game. Wash, rinse, repeat 10-15 times per year.
Hillman deserves a lot of blame tonight. The fact that Joakim Soria was left in the pen, while Yabuta trotted out a Texas victory to the mound is beyond inexcusable. The fact that Tony Pena Jr is left sitting on the bench when the situation clearly demanded his entry takes absurd to new levels. Hell, Pena is at this point a defensive replacement, if he makes that throw instead of Aviles, maybe Teahen catches the ball, then again, maybe he doesn't*.
*You know what really kills me about this team? Every year in spring training they have a focus. Sometimes it is pitching or hitting, or base running. Funny thing is, whatever the focus was in spring training, the Royals always seem to be completely inept at it during the season. This year the focus was fundamentals, and guess what? This team is so fundamentally bad that not even Tom Emanksi and his decades-old commercial could save this team. It's funny in a pathetic way.
Hillman has a lot to own up to.* It's becoming more and more obvious that he is prone to LaRussa-in-the-playoffs types of bonehead moves.** People are getting restless, and once again this team is a joke. It's the same thing every year. People talk about renewed optimism, Royals go into the tank, minor changes are made, and the cycle starts over again.
*And he probably will. One thing you can't knock Hillman for is that he is a stand-up guy. He doesn't throw players under the bus, and he doesn't hide from the media. I wouldn't be surprised to read about him admitting that tonight was his fault. Unfortunately for the Royals, having a stand-up guy as your manager does not equal wins.
**In case you don't know, that's bad. Like getting herpes from a fat hooker bad.
What's even worse is the fact that there is now a generation of Royals fans like myself whose best memories of this team is the 2003 mirage. Hell, I can pinpoint the happiest I ever felt as a Royals fan.
It was late April / early May and it was buck night. There was something like 38,000 people at the stadium. The Royals were playing the Tigers, who were comically bad that year. Ken Harvey hit a walk off home run in or around the 11th inning that landed 2/3rds of the way up the bleachers. Hell it might have been more like 3/4ths. All I know is that he killed that ball, and on his way around the bases you would have thought he won the World Series. The crowd went nuts, and the Royals improved to like 17-5 or something like that. As they ran off the field camera mics picked up Pena shouting "We believe man, we believe!"
I watched that game at home, and I went crazy, I danced around and I thought "finally, a winning team in KC, I hope that playoff tickets don't cost too much."* I was in Nirvana, and frankly, if I could, I would erase those memories. Really, I remember how happy I was, how it felt to have the Royals lauded on a national stage, and how it felt to be a fan of a winning team. Watching them now makes those memories a taunting reminder of what fans of the Cardinals, Yankees, Red Sox, Angels and Braves feel every freaking day. In retrospect I would of rather had them lose 100 games in 2003 then fill me with false hope.
*I was 13 going on 14, cut me some slack.
Really, I don't know what to do anymore. I'm past getting angry, but I'm not apathetic. I follow this team way closer than any sane person should. I would be a liar if I told you that I never considered switching to being a Cardinals fan when I go down to Mizzou. It would be a lie if I said that I never considered being a Red Sox fan like my mother's side of the family. But something pulls me back to this team. Something inside of me says to stick with these guys, that when this team finally gets back to the playoffs, and one day wins the World Series that all these years of suffering will only have made the end game more sweet.
I just hope that five years from now I don't look back at those feelings and laugh at their ignorance.
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